Breaking Down

After the Twilight is the breaking down. The nights have never been this long, and I am alone in this contemporary home settled in the middle of the bushland. I hummed the night away, then would sing along Counting Stars by OneRepublic. Eunos was a good friend. He was there when I needed him, from day one, I needed him. He never failed me down, until I was asking more of what he could give me. He started to fail. Last night, he gave up-- gave up on me, on us. I can have him fixed, but I got told by everyone that it's cheaper to get rid of him. Goodbye lover, goodbye friend.

It was very dramatic, I drove him to the mechanic to have him checked. Then went to the gym while waiting, I don't even lift, so who am I kidding? So, I just stripped down and went to the pool. Two ladies didn't seem happy to see me join them. Sorry to ruin the romance, ladies. I was doing laps in that kidney-shaped pool for the next half an hour or so. Then thank Heavens for putting the fitness centre near to fastjunkfood restaurants. Thanks to their cheap menu and shake-your-phone-for-freebies-app, I get to add back the saturated fat I just lost-- or almost did.

The mechanic rang me as I was to claim my free Medium Fries. It seemed like a doctor's call. It was daunting. "I'll be there in 5 minutes." The response to his very professional tone when he told me, "Can you come down so we can talk about your car?" I never get scared when people tell me to have a "talk". Not even the school principal! But a car mechanic did.

Eunos is in a bad condition, he needs intensive care. It will cost a lot. I drove him home, on the shorter route; but a riskier one. Just when we were about to head to the steep, narrow, windy uphill part of the road home, I was very hesitant that he might not be able to make it, so I pulled on the side of the road, then made the traffic go through. Then I decided to go for it. Next thing I know, he was screaming for his' life and couldn't go any further. I'm glad that there are still people willing to help, two of them. Without them, I would die of embarrassment by clogging the whole road. They towed me and my dying love home. I ate crumpets.

Browsing through cars, now I understand more about them. Which is would cost cheaper in the long run, why the number of cylinders matter, and all those mechanical complexities that I never bothered to care only a few months ago. With the help of friends, it has always been the same car brand they suggested. In all terms, it's good.  So, I found one online... A good one, a nice shade of blue, with low mileage, well-maintained and has tinted windows! I enquired for it today, only getting a reply that, it was just sold. Just sold? It felt like the bus just pulling off while you're trying to run after it, then having to wait another hour because you live in a remote district. That's how it feels like, that's why having an automobile is a necessity, not a luxury in this part of town.

Who knows, but no one does, really. I might get this fixed, get a better car, regret? Regret. Most likely. The exact same feeling when you're on that bus to your isolated area; first, the sexual tension with the person around your age. Then, they start giving back the same stolen glances every now and then. What does that suppose to mean? Who says hi first? What is this sorcery meant to be? Pretending to look away, but also intentionally making them catch you. Then you see them hit the daunting STOP button. It's like when they hit the literal STOP button in opportunities that could happen between you. The future is now but all a made-up history. They get off, giving you a last glance. Regret, that's it. Right there. Then you get on your phone to distract yourself, then when it was your turn to get off... you realised you didn't even remembered which bus stop they got off. You had the hold of it. Not them. You could have waited at that bus stop, being the 'man-who-can't-be-moved' or the 'creepy stalker', on more modern terms. Now, you can all leave it to destiny, that fantasy, yes. You keep on riding that bus, except that, you never get to see them ever again. Then, one day, you do, now, with their someone, who has the same bus stop with you. That staring slut.

x :: L